areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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