The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
