I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
