I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
