Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
