My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
