my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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