I cannot find my penis.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
