Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
