Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
