I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
