Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
