Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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