The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
