New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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