i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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