I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
