well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
