Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
