I need help removing her.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
