Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
