this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
