Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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