I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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