BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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