I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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