so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
