kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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