ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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