Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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