ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
