last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
