what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pants are for mortals
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize