Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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