Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
is it fun? or sober?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
