You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
