forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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