mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Randomize
