guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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