They have a pepper shaker for pot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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