Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
