sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
