The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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