omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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