So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The feeling are messing with the penis
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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