I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
