Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
