i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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