Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
