the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You dont lie about slip and slides
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize