you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
