True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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