Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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