you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
