I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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