Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
