I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
