Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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