I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
