Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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